"Hi there sassy."
Sassy. A word that has haunted me from childhood. I don't love it. The dictionary definition means rude and disrespectful. That is the furthest thing from what I WANT to be. I know it’s truth though. I was so sassy. To the point where I wanted to apologize but didn’t want to betray myself either. It was a weird feeling.
I know I err on the side of sassy and mouthy far too often. My extroverted side getting the better of me. It comes natural for me and such a hard habit to break, but it’s the furthest thing from my heart and the way I want to treat people. It’s a trait I dislike about myself and am trying to let go of. I want to treat people kindly, with respect and love. Most often, when I'm sassy, it's a coping mechanism for trying to be okay, it's a way of self protecting when I'm scared. That doesn't make it good, but it makes it understandable.
I know falling short is something everyone can relate to. That its not just me, that we all have those incredibly frustrating areas that we don’t like about ourselves that just don’t leave with ease. My initial reaction is to beat myself up over it. To be overly sensitive. To cry. To hate on myself. Yet, I know that’s not the answer.
I also want to treat myself kindly, with respect and love. I take the situation and turn it around and see how I would treat a friend. I know I would gentle; I would respond with compassion, with love, with grace, reminding them that it's going to be okay, that they can do better next time.
We are our own worst critics. Our own harshest judges. Always noticing or overplaying our faults. I guarantee that even if someone points out a fault in you, they are not going to be as focused on it as you are. Some days we are going to fall short of our fullest potential. And that’s okay. That's when we get up and try again.
Keep going. Keep working toward being the best you. I’m slowly learning to show myself the grace and love and patience I would show my friends. Slowly, but it’s happening. For that I’m grateful.